I wake up early and get dressed. The clothes that I wear aren’t especially flamboyant. I wrap myself in a scarf, grab my keys and leave. I do not bring my earphones, a book or my notebook. I don’t even have a bag with me. Just my keys, my bus card, a bit of money and my phone.
I sit on the bus and stare out of the window. I don’t look at the people around me. I don’t even notice them. My head is full. Full of opinions, negativity and other crap. Stepping off the bus, I don’t even stop to get a coffee or a hot chocolate. Instead I hop straight onto another one.
I have a particular destination that I’m seeking. The time seems to fly as I travel there. I exit the second bus and begin walking down the street, catching glimpses of where I’m going. I don’t notice whether people are staring or pointing or laughing. I don’t need to. I know that they’re there. They’re always there.
I reach the sea and sigh with relief. What is it that’s so comforting about looking out to the horizon? About seeing the sea stretch out as far as you can see. For me, it really puts things into perspective. I sit and I think. I don’t hold any thoughts back. I let them crash through my brain like waves.
I think about how shitty it is that I have to transition. And that people think I’m less than them because of it. I think about how much hate there is out there. I think about how disheartening it can be to be a citizen of this world. I sit there for however long I need to. If it’s getting to be too much, I just don’t think for a few minutes before returning to it.
Then I think about all of my reasons to be grateful. All of the reasons to keep doing what I do. All of my passions and inspirations and things to be happy about.
And then I pick myself up and go to a café. I sit in the window and order a hot chocolate. While nursing it I feel renewed. I feel at peace within myself. I feel ready to take on the world again.
People often ask me how I manage to stay sane and positive, this is how. When I feel overwhelmed, I take time out. When I need to stop, I do just that. When it’s too much and I need to focus on my feelings, I let myself. This stops my head from overthinking at weird times. This stops poisonous thought processes from affecting my daily life.
None of us are heroes all of the time. No one can be constantly unshaken and upbeat. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed every now and again. But your overall outlook can only be affected by how you manage to deal with it.
The seaside is where I find solace and comfort. So that’s inevitably where I go. Find your place and use it when you need it. You owe it to yourself.
Read about the power of controlling your late night thoughts here.
Watch my Mental Health Journey below: