Confrontations can be so nasty. Whether it’s between friends, lovers or acquaintances, there are so many ways to do it wrong. It may or may not surprise you to hear that I’ve had my fair share of confrontation over the years. These are my tips to stay sane and moral after you’ve had one.
Keep it civil.
It’s not always possible to be civil after a confrontation. If someone has done something extremely horrible to you, I’d definitely be of the opinion that you should cut off contact with them. But if you’ve had a disagreement with someone and you can’t be civil with them afterwards, then you’re in the wrong. Even though you may want to scream at the person every time you see them, you just can’t. It’s not fake to greet and make small-talk with a person you’re mad at. It’s just common decency.
Don’t pressure any mutual friends.
If people you’re friendly with are also friendly with the other person, don’t get them involved. It’s such an ugly sensation to feel caught between two people that you like. All it does is create resentment for the person who’s making you feel caught in the middle. So unless you don’t mind pissing your friends off, you really shouldn’t do this.
Do your best not to focus on how much you miss the person.
If you really believe that you’re not in the wrong, then missing the person in question isn’t going to help anything. Obviously you can’t help your feelings, but you should try your best not to sit around moping about how much you miss them. Try not to spend too much time alone and if you really do want to get back in touch with the person, send them a little text. Just don’t apologise for something you don’t feel guilty about. That helps nothing.
Admit your failings.
We all make mistakes. We all get too angry, or say things we don’t mean, or let our emotions get the best of us. Be a big person and admit your wrongdoings. And don’t wait for the other person to apologise first. Stubbornness is no help when it comes to confrontation.
Venting to someone you’re close with and who’s removed from the situation is only human. But don’t be one of those people who spreads their problems to everyone they encounter. When you’re venting, don’t be unnecessarily bitchy either. Get what happened off your chest without being insulting, demeaning or unfair.
Don’t be petty, be indifferent.
Don’t be hopeful that the person you fell out with will encounter misfortune. Don’t go out of your way to make their life difficult. Don’t bristle every time you hear their name mentioned. Don’t even hope that they get what they deserve. Instead, hope that they come to their senses on their own and try not to think about them too much. Indifference really is the best form of revenge, and the best form of staying sane.
As nasty as it can be, confrontation is such a necessary thing. It’s so vital to stand up to people when you feel that they’re in the wrong (within reason of course). I’m not sure it’s ever possible to handle confrontation perfectly, but using these tips, you just might come close.
Speaking of confrontation have you read my post on how to live with people?
If you enjoyed this advice (I know, I’m so annoying), try this video in which I give advice for self-love: