It’s really difficult when people view you as a person in progress. As we all know, the stage that I’m at with my transition is a very awkward stage, meaning that people don’t really know how to behave towards me.

I’m still using male pronouns and that brings with it an awful lot of challenges. The way people look at me with suspicion, the way people feel the need to tell me they think what I’m doing is “great.” The way people call me brave and strong and pay me unnecessary compliments for just doing what I need to do.

I’m not defying gender roles or gender expectations by wearing what I want and presenting as “female.” I’m literally living in a way that’s true to my desires and to my soul (ugh, I’m still allergic to clichés).

I don’t intend to be beautiful. I don’t intend to be a convincing woman. I don’t intend to be feminine. Instead, I’ve decided to just be. Just be what I am right now. But also what I’m going to be. And also what I was in the past.

It’s an incredible freedom to embrace where you are in life. Although I will be undergoing a medical transition, that’s just a procedure. Although I will be changing my name and my pronouns, that’s just a process. Although I will be more comfortable in my future body, I’m not uncomfortable now.

My gender doesn’t really concern me that much. That’s a funny thing for a trans person to say, but it doesn’t. I’m more concerned with my happiness, with how I treat people, with whether I’m being true to myself.

We are all people in progress to a certain extent. Self-improvement is a vital part of life and it probably never ends. But when it comes to something as trivial as the gender I identify as or what’s between my legs, I’m not waiting to achieve my dreams.

I’m a person, living a life I enjoy and doing my best to overcome any obstacles in my way.

I’m a person who feels and lives and creates and speaks and is inspired by beauty.

I decide what I am and what I’m going to be.

You don’t.

Read about the week I had my appointment to get on hormones:

A Week in the Life. 

How to Begin Your Gender Transition:

One Comment on “Person in Progress

  1. Pingback: My Internal Monologue. | Laylah Talks

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