There were a lot of things Alfie did that make me laugh out loud when I think about them. He was such a funny and cheeky dog and my whole family couldn’t help but love him for that.

I remember I once walked out to the hall in our house and found him standing with all four legs squished onto our tiny windowsill.  He tried to turn his head to look at me and almost fell, managing to balance himself at the last minute. I immediately collapsed into laughter for a minute before I could pull myself together enough to help him down.

Once, myself and my sister Rachael were having a row. When I walked past her hoovering, I laughed at her misfortune for some stupid reason that only people with siblings will understand. She was not impressed. She brandished the hoover menacingly before sticking it to the back of my head so it sucked up my hair (very painfully).

We were only play fighting but I snatched the hoover from her and was about to do the same back when Alfie barked loudly in my face, frightening the crap out of me. I dropped the hoover immediately and Rachael and I had to rush to reassure him that we weren’t serious.


Alfie with my other dog Maggie.

One night, I had gone to bed early and had just closed my book for the night. I lay there trying to fall asleep when I began to hear this very loud breathing noise. I was incredibly afraid of the dark and my heart immediately started racing. I called out hoping that it was one of my sisters trying to scare me (something they did often).

But no one answered and the breathing only got more intense. I couldn’t see anyone in the room and I was too terrified to inspect my wardrobe so I ran to my bedroom door where I startled Alfie who had his face pressed up against the door.

I don’t know if he was trying to smell whether I was in the room or to get my attention but he had certainly done the latter. I was petrified! I dragged him down the stairs by his collar and all but shoved him back into the sitting room where my family were sitting. I scolded them for not keeping an eye on him (to which they only burst out laughing) and returned to my room feeling undignified for being so scared.

The truth is it was probably my own fault that Alfie had come upstairs looking for me because I used to sneak him up there whenever my family were out. He used to lie on my bed while I read, or watched TV on my laptop quite happily for a while, but the minute we heard any car on the drive, the two of us would bolt for the stairs. I’m pretty sure he was aware that it was forbidden for him to be up there and that I was the only one who would allow him to do so.

I suppose cheekiness was something we had in common.

Read more of The Alfie Diaries here.

Watch why I don’t wear makeup below:

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