Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.
I believe that it is important to pick idols. To choose people who represent what you want to be. Over time I’ve had many idols. They were mostly good people and mostly blonde. I am unsure whether that last fact was merely a coincidence. You can see quotes from some of my various idols at the top of each chapter. These are quotes that I constantly think about and attempt to live by. My first ever idol was Shakira. I loved everything about Shakira when I was about 5 or 6. I listened to her albums constantly and danced along with her video to “Whenever, Wherever.” I still enjoy Shakira’s music to this day and think she is a beautiful person. Although I would not count her as my idol because I no longer know enough about her.
I idolise people who have dreams and follow them. People who live their lives to their fullest potential and make their time on this world into a work of art. Lana Del Rey is one of these people. I adore her music and her history. I adore her determination to live, her looks, her poetic lyrics, her obsession for freedom, her occasional immorality, her wild side. I love that she improved herself until she finally became a famous singer. I think she is wonderful. I love Marina and the Diamonds. I adore her music, her outspoken nature regarding the flaws of this world, her total honesty in her lyrics, her ability to speak knowledgably on controversial topics, her passion for colour, her gorgeous voice and her flawless looks.
I love Melanie Martinez and her fascinating music. I love Halsey and her style. I love Amy Schumer and her hilariously self-deprecating wit. I love Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, two remarkable honest, moral people. I love Marilyn Monroe. Her constant air of glamour and beauty. Her appreciation for the little things despite her massive fame. Her longing for family and her love of beautiful things. I respect her journey, even its tragic end. I love Kristen Wiig and Jodi Picoult. I recognise that all of these people are women and I wish it weren’t so, but the one’s that I idolise tend to be the one’s that represent what I feel like I’ve always lacked in my life. Femininity. They also represent humour, strength, glamour, pain and confidence. Aspects that fascinate me.
These are just some of the many people who have inspired me over the years. I watch interviews with them on YouTube and read about them constantly. I planned my life while looking at others. I take the best aspects of my favourite stars and aspire to also possess those aspects. I believe that this is what has kept me sane while I was stuck in the wrong body, or was stuck in the country while dreaming about the city, or was harassed by disgusting people. I kept my focus directed towards those I admired. It gave me hope and clarity. I told myself that these people did wonderful things and that someday I could too. I told myself that the world is not a place for unhappiness and broken dreams and if you chase what you love, you can be happy. I then relentlessly sought a life that I could be proud of and that made me happy. I will be forever grateful to each of these idols who did nothing less than make me into the person that I am today.
Read more Who Cares? here.
Buy Who Cares? here.
Watch how I change my voice below: