Doubt.

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

In life, amongst other things, we have to battle two forms of doubt. The doubt that we have in our minds and the doubt that others have. Each is cruel. Each is horrible. I’m sorry. I wish you didn’t have to deal with these. I wish I didn’t have to deal with these. Are these two forms of doubt related? Of course. They walk hand in hand with one another. Other people’s doubt can make your doubt stronger and more relentless. The less self-doubt you have, the less other people’s doubts affect you.

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My Generation.

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

I’ve been born into an odd generation. We’re all familiar with the technological advances and the social networking and blah blah blah. I feel like this chapter is going to make an awful lot of older people roll their eyes. I don’t care. I love my generation. I love them. I think they’re wonderful and I think they get an unjust, cruel treatment. When I was younger I played outside and did all of that stuff. I had fun with my friends and played lots of imaginary games. I watched a lot of TV and I played computer games too. When I was in primary school I joined Facebook along with a lot of my peers. I went on to join Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and Tumblr. My favourite is Snapchat. I’m a weirdo who loves to post what they’re doing and see what everyone else is doing too.

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Men.

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

I’ve mentioned my bad opinion of men and I feel like I should explain myself. Once again I do not intend to offend anybody with this chapter but I probably will because people love to find an excuse to be offended by reasonable arguments. Please bear in mind that I grew up in a small, rural area. Also bear in mind that I was and am friends with many boys that I respect and appreciate. I am not trying to generalise all men. I’m just being as honest as I can. This bad opinion of men is not something that I acknowledge to myself very often but it is definitely there. It is difficult for me to talk about it but that’s not going to stop me. Some would like to blame this outlook on the lack of a positive male figure in my life. Sorry to disappoint, but I have a great relationship with my father and I always have. I also have numerous male relations who I respect and admire.

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Change.

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

Everyone says it but I’m not sure that everyone understands it. Change is inevitable. You cannot stop change. Ten years ago your life was completely different and in ten years time your life will be completely different. Everything has changed and will continue to change. Our feelings change, our opinions change, our understanding changes, our outlook changes, our dreams change, even our looks change. Something you thought was inexcusable last year you could be doing now. You could be married to someone you once hated. You could never speak to someone you once loved. You could wake up one day and realise that you no longer want what once made you happy. Getting annoyed or sad about change is like getting annoyed or sad about the weather (which I know some people do). You can try to ignore it or control it all you want but you can’t stop it.

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My Relationship With Food.

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

This chapter will be rather difficult to write in an honest fashion, but I think that I can do it. I’ve always had an odd relationship with food. I suppose you could say that I’ve had some form of an eating disorder, something that probably never goes away. It never got dangerous, but it did get kind of scary. I’ve never thought that I was fat or anywhere near being fat. But there was a time when I thought that I could not be skinny enough. I suppose that it started when I was around 15. I had a major growth spurt at this time and as I grew upwards I also grew inwards. I didn’t even really notice this happening. I’d never been fat and weight really wasn’t a thing that I thought about. The first time that someone pointed it out to me was a strange experience. At first I looked down at myself and thought, “she’s right, I am really skinny.” But then I started to think, “isn’t that a good thing though? Isn’t that what everyone wants? Isn’t my body like the ones we all look at in magazines and envy.”

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Friends

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

I’ve had many friends over the years. Many people who have come in and out of my life and I am grateful for each and every one of them. When you’re young, friendships end all of the time. I’ve lost many people along the way but that is okay. It’s natural for this to happen. I wasn’t always good to my friends. I went through a long journey in which I learned how to be a good friend. I’d like to think that I’m a better friend now. I try to be there for my friends as much as I can. Because that’s all you can do at the end of the day. Be there when they need you and be there when they don’t. I have many people that I count as my friends. Many people that I really appreciate and that I love to spend time with. There are too many to discuss in this chapter. Instead I’ll just talk about the people currently in my life that I spend the most time with. It is not my intention to offend anyone in this chapter. I love all of my friends dearly and it’s difficult for me to omit people. However I must.

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The City

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

When my friends and I started to gain a bit more independence around the age of 15 we began to visit Dublin. We couldn’t do it as much as we would have liked because you needed money, but we did it every now and again. We would get the unreliable bus service from Gorey to Dublin which is little over an hour’s journey. I used to adore these trips. I’ve always had an appreciation for the city. I would look at pictures of New York and London on my laptop and get thrills in the core of my stomach. I always knew that I’d end up there. When researching colleges I looked at no options outside of Dublin. That was always where I needed to be. I adore Dublin. I’m not comparing it to New York or London but it is a good compromise for now.

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The Country

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

I feel like this chapter might offend many people and that really isn’t my intention. When I speak about the countryside please keep in mind that I saw a very ugly side to the place that I lived during my time there. I’m not trying to make a generalisation about country people or country towns. I encountered many people that I adored and continue to adore during my time in Wexford. I still enjoy my visits home but in this chapter I am going to be honest about my past experiences. I can’t change the fact that I didn’t fit in in the countryside. I can’t change the fact that I had some bad experiences and have been left a little traumatised from living there. I can only be honest about all of it and say that none of it matters to me anymore. We move on from things like that but that doesn’t make any of it right.

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Personality.

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

Writing this chapter, I feel an equal amount of dread and excitement. This whole book will probably end up being about my personality. So this chapter is not so much about my personality but about how I came to develop it. So how do I write this without sounding arrogant or self-obsessed? I don’t know. I’m going to be as honest as I can and let people draw their own conclusions. Because at the end of the day it’s none of my business what people think of me. So let me start by saying that I adore myself (what a great start to not sounding arrogant.) I can feel your eyes rolling but read on and find out how I came to be one of those rare human beings that actually loves themselves.

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Appearance.

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

I am happy with my appearance. I know Irish people aren’t supposed to say that but I don’t care. For a long time I was very unhappy with how I looked but I am finally in a place where I can recognise my own beauty. I am currently 6”2 which means that I tower over most people. Growing up I was always a tall child. This was a fact that I despised.

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Family.

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

I am blessed. Do I say that enough? Probably not. Especially not to my family. I am blessed to have a really decent family in my life. I was born into a remarkable support network of intelligent, witty and wonderful role models. I owe them everything. I love each and every member of my family dearly and I know for a fact that I don’t tell them that enough.

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The Day That I Was Born, According to my Mam.

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

The day you were born was one of the happiest days of my life. I wasn’t able to sleep the night before as I was having contractions. I left your Dad sleeping, got up and paced from the back door to the front door for a few hours and then they stopped. I eventually went to bed and slept for a few hours and when I woke up I was fine so I just presumed that they were Braxton Hicks! Your dad went to work and I brought your sister Emma up to school, she was in junior infants. Then I was very restless so I decided to go down to see your aunty Anne with your other sister Rachael.

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About “Who Cares?”

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

I am overwhelmed in the best possible way at the fact that I’ve finished this book. The process has honestly been so enjoyable. It took me two and a half months to write and I have adored every second of it. I wish that I could now say something glamorous like “I put my life on hold for this book,” but that would be a lie. I wrote it in the nights that I couldn’t sleep. I wrote it on the days that I had no plans. I wrote it after I’d changed in to my pyjamas at the end of a long day in college. I wrote the majority of it during my Christmas holidays, which took up most of January.

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Who Cares? Introduction.

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

I take a deep breath and open up my laptop. “I can’t believe you’re doing this” a voice says. It’s self-doubt. He’s always there. I picture him as a male because I have a bad opinion of men. And he is mean to me. I wish I didn’t have that opinion, but it’s one that I’ve formed over the years. But we’ll get to that later. I’ve learned to ignore this voice only quite recently. I don’t think I’ll ever not hear him but I do not listen and that is the main thing. He is toxic and he does not fit anywhere within my plans.

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