Doubt.

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

In life, amongst other things, we have to battle two forms of doubt. The doubt that we have in our minds and the doubt that others have. Each is cruel. Each is horrible. I’m sorry. I wish you didn’t have to deal with these. I wish I didn’t have to deal with these. Are these two forms of doubt related? Of course. They walk hand in hand with one another. Other people’s doubt can make your doubt stronger and more relentless. The less self-doubt you have, the less other people’s doubts affect you.

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The Future.

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Just Saying” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the unseen chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in September 2016.

It’s difficult to write the following chapter without sounding ungrateful or disrespectful but I do not intend to be either.

Recently, I was contacted by a woman from an agency about my blog. She told me that I was on their “to watch” list and that they were interested on taking me on as a client. I was overjoyed…until she gave me a list of things I needed to do.

I would be lying if I said that I wouldn’t want an agency to represent me and my work. But I am not interested in changing the way I run my website.

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Change.

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

Everyone says it but I’m not sure that everyone understands it. Change is inevitable. You cannot stop change. Ten years ago your life was completely different and in ten years time your life will be completely different. Everything has changed and will continue to change. Our feelings change, our opinions change, our understanding changes, our outlook changes, our dreams change, even our looks change. Something you thought was inexcusable last year you could be doing now. You could be married to someone you once hated. You could never speak to someone you once loved. You could wake up one day and realise that you no longer want what once made you happy. Getting annoyed or sad about change is like getting annoyed or sad about the weather (which I know some people do). You can try to ignore it or control it all you want but you can’t stop it.

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Things I Didn’t Know Before my First Time.

I actually had quite an unconventional first time for a lot of reasons. After it happened, I never actually thought about it too much. It wasn’t the significant experience that I thought it would be, rather just quite a natural thing to happen to me. Here is a list of things that would have been helpful to know before I had my first sexual encounter. But I want to make it clear that these are not regrets that I have because I actually really don’t believe in ever having regrets. Continue reading

My Internal Monologue.

I’m probably a little bit too fond of my internal voice. As narcissistic as it sounds, I sometimes have to be careful that I’m still listen to the opinions and observations of other people because I enjoy my own mind so much.

As much as I love Bridget Jones, I would hate to be her. Having a voice inside your head constantly telling you that you’re doing things wrong must be torturous. I have issues around control, meaning that one of my biggest priorities is constantly keeping tabs on what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling. As exhausting as that can be, it means that my internal monologue is encouraging, forgiving, lighthearted and inspirational.

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One more week in the life (Part 2).

Read Part 1 here.

Thursday. We awake early to catch our train back to Dublin. I’m somewhat sad to be leaving Sligo but I’m also looking forward to getting back home and taking it easy for a while. Sarah’s Mam drives us to the train station and gives us brown bags with sandwiches and sweets. I thank the stars for this glorious woman and her hospitality. We seat ourselves on the train, eating our sandwiches, drinking cups of coffee and playing card games. The journey back seeme a lot quicker than the journey there did. Before I know it, I’m stepping off the train and saying goodbye to the others. Lugging my large bags, (I don’t know the meaning of travelling light) I hop on a Luas followed by a bus. When I arrive home, I sit and have a cup of coffee with my roommates before retreating to my room. Every ounce of my person wants to crawl under my duvet and never come out, but instead I unpack and repack my bag. I get another two buses to the hospital and collapse in a large chair beside my Gran’s bed. Gran takes one look at me and makes a sassy comment about having no sympathy for my exhaustion because I decided to go to the races. She smiles at me, making it clear that she’s joking but I’m delighted to see her sassing me again. There’s a definite spark returned and it’s so nice to see. Mam and I watch TV with her for a while before she falls asleep and we head off for the night. Both exhausted, we go straight to our temporary rooms in my Gran’s house and I am so glad to be in a warm cosy bed that I fall asleep almost immediately.

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Time Out.

I wake up early and get dressed. The clothes that I wear aren’t especially flamboyant. I wrap myself in a scarf, grab my keys and leave. I do not bring my earphones, a book or my notebook. I don’t even have a bag with me. Just my keys, my bus card, a bit of money and my phone.

I sit on the bus and stare out of the window. I don’t look at the people around me. I don’t even notice them. My head is full. Full of opinions, negativity and other crap. Stepping off the bus, I don’t even stop to get a coffee or a hot chocolate. Instead I hop straight onto another one.

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Dealing With Assholes

Is there any real way to deal with assholes? People are assholes in many different ways. People are assholes when they judge you. When they misrepresent you. When they dislike you for no good reason. When they are just plain wrong about things that they say. There are so many different types of assholes that you encounter on a regular basis. We all know them. We all deal with them. Some of us may be them.

But what happens when you come across somebody, on a regular basis, who has no redeemable qualities? Or when you discover someone that you previously liked has suddenly become an asshole or has always been an asshole? What about the people who are relentlessly hypocritical, controversial, offensive and just plain ignorant? People who shut down the ideals of feminism, equality and other morally based principles for no other reason than to annoy you.

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