It’s been a year since “Exposition,” my first nude shoot was released. To celebrate this, here’s a collection off essays about the experience that were published in my third book “Stay Wild.”
The first time I remember being uncomfortable with my body I was 10. I don’t know if this was the beginning of my struggles with exposing my body, but it’s the first time I realised that what I was feeling mightn’t necessarily be normal.
Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.
This chapter will be rather difficult to write in an honest fashion, but I think that I can do it. I’ve always had an odd relationship with food. I suppose you could say that I’ve had some form of an eating disorder, something that probably never goes away. It never got dangerous, but it did get kind of scary. I’ve never thought that I was fat or anywhere near being fat. But there was a time when I thought that I could not be skinny enough. I suppose that it started when I was around 15. I had a major growth spurt at this time and as I grew upwards I also grew inwards. I didn’t even really notice this happening. I’d never been fat and weight really wasn’t a thing that I thought about. The first time that someone pointed it out to me was a strange experience. At first I looked down at myself and thought, “she’s right, I am really skinny.” But then I started to think, “isn’t that a good thing though? Isn’t that what everyone wants? Isn’t my body like the ones we all look at in magazines and envy.”
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Recently I’ve put on a little bit of weight. My face is fatter, my ass has grown and my stomach has gotten bigger.
Body image is something that I’ve personally struggled with in the past. It’s not an easy thing to come to terms with, by any means. But after hearing the story of Aoife Kearns’ struggles with accepting her body type, I felt compelled to discuss it. Aoife and I once had a very honest and open discussion. A discussion which later prompted me to write about my eating disorder. Aoife has a lot to say about body image. And I was eager to listen.
When the Fat Girl Gets Skinny by Blythe Baird.
I’ve only really come to terms with this fact in the last few months, but for a period of time, I suffered from an eating disorder. For a long time, I resisted that label and all of its associations. But I will no longer do so.
I honestly wasn’t aware that I was suffering from it at the time, but in hindsight that’s exactly what it was.