Crushes

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

I thought it was only natural to follow up a chapter about love with a chapter about crushes. I am no more an expert about crushes than I am about love, however, I have had a crush or two in my time. I have also watched many of my friends develop crushes with fascination as they have played out in a positive or negative (mostly negative) fashion. I feel like an American 14-year-old using the word crush but I don’t know what else to call it. Infatuation? Obsession? Stupidity? Torture?

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Love

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

I’ve been putting off writing this chapter. This is unlike me. The topic of love has fascinated me for a long time. If I have a few glasses of wine I’ll suddenly start talking about it for hours. I’ll bore you to death asking questions and sharing my experiences. I think this fascination first arose when I fell in love. Before this I was a naïve person. I used to think of everything as black and white. I didn’t truly understand pain or devotion. I didn’t truly understand why people couldn’t get over relationships. It was all a mystery to me. This chapter may sound clichéd and tacky and I’m sorry for that. I don’t have an idealistic viewpoint of love because the only association I’ve had with it up until now has been heartbreak. I can’t change this. I can’t talk about it in an experienced fashion. I can only reflect on what I know.

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Loving Myself

I feel like “loving yourself” is such an overused phrase these days. People constantly post about it on social media and advise others to learn how to do it. But how many people do you know who actually genuinely love themselves?

I believe that we are all born loving ourselves, and we learn to dislike ourselves as time goes on. I’m sure there are a number of reasons as to why this happens, society probably being the main one. As a child, I never really remember being encouraged to love myself. Or at least if I did I was encouraged to keep quiet about it.

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Falling In Love.

I know that I wrote about this in “Who Cares?” but I need to talk about the effect that falling in love had on me.

Do you know when adults treat teenagers as though they know nothing? Yeah don’t do this. Don’t be that asshole who patronises a teenager. It’s true that they may be naïve. Of course they may not know as much as you. It’s very possible that they cannot really understand stuff that you often talk about. But reminding them of this fact helps with absolutely nothing.

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Loose Ends (Part Two)

I am somewhat reluctant to write about this particular time of my life because it was quite a complicated situation. All of this occurred quite recently but I feel as though I’m over it all now and that it was an important chapter. This is another story of a boy who didn’t want to be with me. Please don’t feel sorry for me. I’m okay. I’m not telling you these stories so you can be sad for me. I’m trying to share the lessons that I’ve learned.

In an attempt to keep this particular person’s identity a secret I cannot go into very much detail but let me just say that this situation was complicated beyond belief.

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Late Night Thoughts

Recently I’ve found it a lot easier to feel Zen and relaxed. I didn’t think that it would be noticeable but a lot of people have actually commented on how much more at ease I’ve been. There has been speculation as to what has made me this way; a new crush, I’ve been having sex, I’ve fallen in love.

I’ve told them that I have no idea why I feel this way but that was a lie. I know exactly what it is that has made me feel so much better.

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Loose Ends (Part 1).

I am a firm believer in tying up loose ends when it comes to romantic relationships.  The phrase “tying up loose ends” sounds like such a cliché but I feel that there is a definite merit in doing this. Things might not go back to normal for you after you’ve made an effort to get closure but, in my experience, things get a lot easier. I am aware that it’s not possible to do this in some situations but when it is, I believe that it is of utmost importance.

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