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Tag: mental illness

This is Where I Am

But if anyone can get through this, it’s me. I’ve proven that to myself time and time again and as long as I can keep that unshakable faith in myself, I’ll be okay.

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The Blackest of Black

Read more of Críostóir’s posts here. I remember mixing paints in primary school. I must have been four at the time. Red and blue made purple. Blue and yellow made green. Red and yellow made orange. It was fun but it was all too simple. I decided to give myself a challenge. Instead of mixing colours I already knew, I was going think of … Read More The Blackest of Black

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My First Day in the Hospital

I awake early and look over my bags. I packed last night, but I have no idea whether I’ve even brought the right stuff. I’ve never stayed in a hospital before. I’ve never known anyone who was in a psych ward. Sitting on my bed, I have a few silent tears. My room is a complete mess. It hasn’t been cleaned in weeks. There … Read More My First Day in the Hospital

How it Feels to be Twenty.

I suppose I was quite nervous about turning twenty. I thought it was the age where you declare yourself an adult. The age where everyone expects you to stand on your own two feet. Although I don’t know why that would make me nervous because I’ve pretty much been standing on my own two feet for a long time now. I was surprised to … Read More How it Feels to be Twenty.

Forgiving the People Who Let Me Down When I Was in the Hospital

There are so many people who let me down when I was in the hospital. More than I ever could have imagined there’d be. Being honest, I’m quite bitter about it. But I need to let go of that bitterness. One thing I never wanted to be was bitter. I’ve always believed that bitterness halts you. It keeps you in a moment that’s already … Read More Forgiving the People Who Let Me Down When I Was in the Hospital

Reasons I’m Not Grateful for my Mental Illness

Depression and anorexia don’t just make you sad and hungry. They affect almost every aspect of your life. 

Reasons I’m Grateful for my Mental Illness.

There are so many reasons that I’m not grateful for my mental illness. I’ll be writing about those soon, but I thought I’d start with the positives.

I Have Low Self Esteem (Who Knew?)

I was participating in one of the therapeutic workshops that my life seems to consist of these days when we began discussing low self esteem. It came as quite a shock to me to realise that I suffer from it. You may scoff and think “Laylah Beattie? Low self esteem? Bitch where?” And I would have thought the same. But when I heard the … Read More I Have Low Self Esteem (Who Knew?)

Mourning my Twenties

My illness is the thing that finally got me and I’m devastated about that. 

Building My Nest.

I adore my bed. The prospect of falling in love with a man terrifies me because of the possibility that I might have to share a bed with him.

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Newsletter: A New Year

I changed my gender, met Caitlyn Jenner and spent 13 weeks in a psychiatric hospital since my last newsletter. Let’s catch up. 

Dark Times

These dark times began when I fell in love and lost my friends.