Selfishness

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

I believe that people have the wrong idea about selfishness. They think that it’s a sin to be selfish when it’s exactly how you should be. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advising that you don’t consider everyone around you because you care about yourself more, or to put your priorities ahead of everyone else’s. All I suggest is that you put your priorities on a par with those of other people. You are important. You are worth your own time. So you should treat yourself as such. Don’t let people convince you that it’s wrong to want the best for yourself. Don’t let them tell you that you shouldn’t prevent yourself from getting hurt. That you shouldn’t follow your dreams or treat yourself with the utmost respect. That you shouldn’t occasionally make decisions that no one in your life agrees with or that you shouldn’t be slightly vain. For some reason society likes to teach us that these things are wrong and we usually listen.

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Change.

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

Everyone says it but I’m not sure that everyone understands it. Change is inevitable. You cannot stop change. Ten years ago your life was completely different and in ten years time your life will be completely different. Everything has changed and will continue to change. Our feelings change, our opinions change, our understanding changes, our outlook changes, our dreams change, even our looks change. Something you thought was inexcusable last year you could be doing now. You could be married to someone you once hated. You could never speak to someone you once loved. You could wake up one day and realise that you no longer want what once made you happy. Getting annoyed or sad about change is like getting annoyed or sad about the weather (which I know some people do). You can try to ignore it or control it all you want but you can’t stop it.

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Friends

Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.

I’ve had many friends over the years. Many people who have come in and out of my life and I am grateful for each and every one of them. When you’re young, friendships end all of the time. I’ve lost many people along the way but that is okay. It’s natural for this to happen. I wasn’t always good to my friends. I went through a long journey in which I learned how to be a good friend. I’d like to think that I’m a better friend now. I try to be there for my friends as much as I can. Because that’s all you can do at the end of the day. Be there when they need you and be there when they don’t. I have many people that I count as my friends. Many people that I really appreciate and that I love to spend time with. There are too many to discuss in this chapter. Instead I’ll just talk about the people currently in my life that I spend the most time with. It is not my intention to offend anyone in this chapter. I love all of my friends dearly and it’s difficult for me to omit people. However I must.

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About Stay Wild.

One thing that I’m definitely learning (please note the use of the present tense) with great difficulty is how necessary it can be to make sacrifices. Throughout the course of writing these essays I’ve experienced many health difficulties, both physical and mental, relating to my hormones.

Now that LaylahTalks has taken off a bit more, I feel that bit more pressure to be okay. I feel the need to end every essay about harassment that I’ve experienced or mental problems that I’ve been suffering from with a positive message. And don’t get me wrong, putting a positive spin on things comes very naturally to me and I can definitely see the light in the midst of trepidation, but I’m going through a hard time and I don’t want to sugar coat that.

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I’m Strong Even if I Breakdown.

This event occurred last week, but I wrote about it straight away. Hence when I refer to these occurrences as yesterday, last night etc. I’m actually referring to a week ago.

In the past I wouldn’t have spoken about stuff like this, believing that it makes me seem somehow weak if I confide my darkest moments in such a public way, but I’m learning not to think this way. Because to be honest, I don’t think I could really be weak if I tried to be. It’s time to own my darkest moments as just what they are, mere moments in this array of experiences that is my life.

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A Day Spent Living.

Let me tell you about a day that I had over the weekend. I woke up after sleeping for sixteen hours (have I mentioned how fun it is to have fatigue) feeling quite surprisingly refreshed. I was due to meet my friend Bridgin (I’m mentioning her by name because she complained that I never have before) for a catch up day.

One of my favourite things to do is to catch up with my friends over a meal, a coffee, a drink or a day of shopping. It’s even better if myself and my busy friends actually find time to do a combination of any of the above activities.

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Clocking Out.

I find it funny that I’m writing this after only disclosing how I stay motivated a little while ago. But that’s the thing with dark times. You never know when they’ll occur. This is my first time writing in over a month. I feel a mixture of delight and apprehension about this.

I began a new hormone therapy in January. Being the stubborn bitch that I am, I was determined that my hormones wouldn’t affect anything that I was doing (I was naïve enough to believe that I had a choice).  One of the symptoms of these new hormones was chronic fatigue. Believe it or not, that was not a helpful side effect for someone as restless and as busy as I am.

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Loving Myself

I feel like “loving yourself” is such an overused phrase these days. People constantly post about it on social media and advise others to learn how to do it. But how many people do you know who actually genuinely love themselves?

I believe that we are all born loving ourselves, and we learn to dislike ourselves as time goes on. I’m sure there are a number of reasons as to why this happens, society probably being the main one. As a child, I never really remember being encouraged to love myself. Or at least if I did I was encouraged to keep quiet about it.

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My Internal Monologue.

I’m probably a little bit too fond of my internal voice. As narcissistic as it sounds, I sometimes have to be careful that I’m still listen to the opinions and observations of other people because I enjoy my own mind so much.

As much as I love Bridget Jones, I would hate to be her. Having a voice inside your head constantly telling you that you’re doing things wrong must be torturous. I have issues around control, meaning that one of my biggest priorities is constantly keeping tabs on what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling. As exhausting as that can be, it means that my internal monologue is encouraging, forgiving, lighthearted and inspirational.

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