Now that I’ve made my ebook “Who Cares? Life for an Irish Transgender Teen” free to the public (you can download the full thing here), I’ve decided to publish the chapters here on my website. Below is a chapter from this book which was published in April 2016.
We learn to appreciate ourselves by acting in a way that makes us proud. I believe that the best way of doing this is by learning through other people’s experiences. Throughout my entire life, if there was a character in a movie or a book that I admired, I would pick my favourite aspects of their personality and adopt it into mine. If I looked up to traits that my friends or family possessed, I tried to also possess these traits. I don’t think that this is being fake, quite the opposite in fact. I think it’s being true to yourself to want to develop into a person that you admire. It takes courage to do things that you look up to in other people. To me, it’s quite noble to desire to be your best self.
I find it funny that I’m writing this after only disclosing how I stay motivated a little while ago. But that’s the thing with dark times. You never know when they’ll occur. This is my first time writing in over a month. I feel a mixture of delight and apprehension about this.
I began a new hormone therapy in January. Being the stubborn bitch that I am, I was determined that my hormones wouldn’t affect anything that I was doing (I was naïve enough to believe that I had a choice). One of the symptoms of these new hormones was chronic fatigue. Believe it or not, that was not a helpful side effect for someone as restless and as busy as I am.
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I’m probably a little bit too fond of my internal voice. As narcissistic as it sounds, I sometimes have to be careful that I’m still listen to the opinions and observations of other people because I enjoy my own mind so much.
As much as I love Bridget Jones, I would hate to be her. Having a voice inside your head constantly telling you that you’re doing things wrong must be torturous. I have issues around control, meaning that one of my biggest priorities is constantly keeping tabs on what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling. As exhausting as that can be, it means that my internal monologue is encouraging, forgiving, lighthearted and inspirational.